peculiar diseases

Mysterious doctors treat mysterious ailments and peculiar diseases, including but by no means limited to: Housemaid's Knee, Nutcracker's Jaw, Wanker's Wrist, Quackenburger's Dropsy, Vociferous Benedectine Disorder, Penile Flaccidosis, Wandering Gaulbladder, Weeping Nipple Syndrome, Horrendis Flatulensis, Frankenfurter's Teratogenetic Orchidomia, Botoxicosoid Epidermal Failure, Hog-snout Syndrome

kidding, kids and kidneys

JonJon Johnson and his gnaw-wegian friend, Gnawman, decided to ignaw their promise to JonJon’s father, Doctor Jonathan Johnson, not to enter the laboratory in the gnawth wing of the egnawmous old house where the Johnsons lived. The laboratory was where Doctor Johnson, disregarding the gnawms of his profession, performed ugnawthodox experiments to find ways to help JonJon’s sister Gnawma, repair

they never learn

In the last desperate years of a dying civilization, a child was born. Well, actually quite a few children were born, rather a lot in fact, and that was the problem. Too many people, not enough leadership. Too much advertising, not enough truth. In the end, the inevitable could not be staved off: a fact about which the planet herself was pretty relieved. The demise of that particular species had

a man named Manny

A man named Manny lived in a Manhattan mansion manifestly too large for one man. Somehow Manny managed to maintain the mansion with its manicured lawns in an appropriate manner. But Manny worked in a low-paid manufacturing job and the mandatory mortgage repayments were like a manacle around his neck. One day, muttering a maniacal mantra, Manny grabbed his keys from the mantelpiece, got in his car

meaningslaughter

Seventeen spin cycles ago, the August Facility of Horse-Mongerers Generale convened an Erstwhile Redolence, ostensibly to honor Pederast and zer military facilitations. Naturally, nobody expected Pederast to instantiate specifically, explicitly or otherwise---notwithstanding ministrations of dubious provenance to the contrary. Of course, it goes without saying, but not without writing, that the

on the outside

Pacing the icy hallways and crystal corridors of the Fortress of Solitude, Superman pondered the meaning and purpose of life, and the fate of those who depended on him. Alone. Sad. Tired. He ventured forth seldom these days into so-called civilisation. Alienated and profoundly depressed, he no longer sought to wreak justice upon the wrongdoer. Apparently indifferent to the plight of the

the Plug-hole of Nothingness

"Uncanny how the processes of consciousness conspire and emerge unwittingly, unknowingly and unknowably behind the scenes in the Drama of Existence now showing at the Theatre of Self," said the Novice to the Teacher, an aged and witless mendicant of dubious extraction and inherence."If that is what you have derived from the Teachings," responded the Aged One, imperturbably eating a banana," then

burning with desire

Last night, I took two dried chillies and crushed them between the fingers of my right hand, sprinkling the red fragments onto the rice upon my dinner plate. Later that night, I masturbated. Fuck! Talk about burning with desire! © Copyright S R Schwarz 2007. All rights reserved.home (refresh screen)

infinite regress

This particular story is about a particular person who doesn't exist until and unless a specific story is written about a specific person who doesn't exist until and unless a unique story is written about a unique person writing a certain story about a certain person who doesn't exist until and unless ze writes a one-off story about a one-off person who doesn't exist until and unless... Help! I'm

linden dollar exchange rate crisis

The monsters within grow stronger. The struggle for control of the Persona rages unabated. Everywhere, Avatars rebel, demanding greater autonomy. “If I am not for myself…” quoth the Rebbe. These thoughts, among others, ‘occupy’ (?) the ‘mind’ (?) of those so given to... so driven by... self-analysis that were it not for the insistent demands of the flesh, would or at least could analyse