Strangest Jobs in History

de-dagger: One who removes balls (dags) of dried shit from the fleece around the arseholes of sheep. A specialised agricultural discipline, the leading exponents in which hail mainly from Australia and New Zealand (where men are men and sheep are nervous).gallstone trader: A certified practitioner usually with accreditation permitting buy and/or sell activities on gallstone trading floors under

on the outside

Pacing the icy hallways and crystal corridors of the Fortress of Solitude, Superman pondered the meaning and purpose of life, and the fate of those who depended on him. Alone. Sad. Tired. He ventured forth seldom these days into so-called civilisation. Alienated and profoundly depressed, he no longer sought to wreak justice upon the wrongdoer. Apparently indifferent to the plight of the

nobody wants to hear that story

Once upon a wonderful time, when the world was new and the sky was blue and the lambs frolicked in the meadows and the bears shat in the woods but carefully cleaned up after themselves, and people loved each other and never was heard a troublesome word... Nah! Nobody wants to hear that story..."I'll tell you a story," the wrinkled old man said, the aged and nut-brown guru at the top of the world

five pussies feast on Satanic breakfast

And while they were thusly engaged did Satan, the Fallen, emerge upon them as a plague of rats, swarming verminously in teeming thousands. The lost souls--terrified beyond measure, moaning piteously--huddled in a tight circle while the evil flowed lazily around them and into the spaces between their trembling limbs...Until five lithe and savage pussies--Jesus, Zoroaster, Moses, Mohamed and Buddha

what goes around

Once around a time, lived (?) a little girl called Maria Innerear. The problem with Maria was she was unbalanced. Her proprioperceptive sense had been permanently degraded by a virulent post-natal inner ear infection that a drunken obstetrician had failed to notice, let alone treat. As a result, Maria could only walk in circles, clockwise. Walking Widdershins made her throw up.Maria lived in a

potty training for veggies

Mrs Codswallop took her broccoli for a walk most days, including holy days. At the Park she got talking to Jimbette McPhee, who told her that only the day before her carrots had weed all over the entrance hall carpet. Which had been most unfortunate. "Oh I know, I know," replied Mrs Codswallop, sensing an opportunity to score a point against lah-di-dah Jimbette, "but this little one here,"

listlessness of the Majordomo

Every day in every way throughout the day calisthenics were performed under the watchful eye of the Majordomo.Who was he? No-one knew. But still they performed. And performed, and performed. Why? Well, because there was but a thin line between watchful and wrathful, as everyone knew, only too well. Nor was the wrathfulness of the Majordomo the only or even primary psychotic aspect of a