potty training for veggies

Mrs Codswallop took her broccoli for a walk most days, including holy days. At the Park she got talking to Jimbette McPhee, who told her that only the day before her carrots had weed all over the entrance hall carpet. Which had been most unfortunate. "Oh I know, I know," replied Mrs Codswallop, sensing an opportunity to score a point against lah-di-dah Jimbette, "but this little one here,"

the end of homo the sap

Once upon a fulsome time, when dark desires eloped with virgin pixies, and antelopes no longer pronked or sprinked upon the veldt... When no more cantaloupes in fruity embrace with swarthy greengrocers did entwine... When all the zombies in the world laid end to end---an undead chain twenty six thousand miles in length---did girt the Earth, and werewolves with gingivitis growled and grimaced in a

the story of the story of the magic painting

In those harsh and bitter years of toil as an indentured servant in the household of a cruel master, on one bitterly cold morning before sunrise, I started writing a story about a Magic Painting that was a Doorway to another World, and anyone who looked into the Painting entered the world of the Painting. And everyone returning from the world of the Painting was miraculously healed of all wounds

god-shopping

It was Thursday 4 April, Children's Day in Taiwan, and therefore an appropriate day (mum thought, wrongly) to take little Jonnie shopping for zer first god.As they entered the store, Godz-R-Us, with its row upon row of shelves piled high with glittering gods of all shapes, sizes and natures, Jonnie seemed anxious. "Oh don't be such a Nervous Nellie," said mum, "when I was your age, and grampa

on that day we eat rotten fish

Thursday 4 April 2002 was a busy day in Taiwan --- it was Children's Day, Tomb-Sweeping day, and the Death of President Chiang Kai Shek Day! (I kid you not, check it out for yourself!) And on that day, the Taiwanese people ate a lot of fish, some of it rotten. Why? No-one knew, and they still don't, as far as anyone knows.And on that day, across the world in America, President George Dubya Bush

the evil sandwich

Once upon a time (brunch) I bought a sandwich from a gnarled and rusty sandwich seller ensconced quite gaily in a gaudy booth one inauspicious day.‘Twas ham and cheese: I remember it well, as if ‘twere but this very toothsome morn itself that I reluctantly but expectantly forked over four clinking dollarim, sponduleks if you will, to that aged and curly purveyor ensconced within zer gaudy booth

when the time is right

When the time is right, the People will see the truth and deny the lies and the deception. When the time is right, the People will no longer tolerate the greed and gluttony and destruction. When the time is right, the People will break the chains binding them to death and madness. The People will throw off their shackles; they will rise up, stand tall and shout in one bold voice, “no more !” And